Rant post

I was recently diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and I was told to start counselling sessions immediately. I have my first session on Monday. The reason for PPA are my daughter being low birth weight which is slightly resolved but I am scared something might happen to her and I also do not trust anyone with her. Not even my husband. Secondly my issues with mil who moved to same city as us the minute I gave birth and although I told her she was not allowed in delivery room. She came and watched the entire thing and kept calling my fil to update him everything including how she could see hair and head and stuff. Also she constantly calls my husband for no reason and keeps talking for hours. If he won’t pick up she calls my phone until I answer. She also doesn’t let me hold my daughter when she visits which is daily. So I told my husband that she needs to call before she comes home. My husband got mad and told me to get out which he apologised for and I forgave him. My mom has been living with me since baby arrived and helping us to take care of her and me. But every time she keeps saying that I only called her for work not cuz I love her which is very upsetting but today she blamed me saying that I am the reason for all the fights at home and that I have to apologise to my mil for telling her to call before coming home. I told her she is free to go since I recovered good and that I love her very much but I cannot see her struggling and thinking so much negative about me. She says I would fall apart without her and that I am the most selfish person to ask her to leave. I just don’t know how else to talk to her. I am going crazy and with the anxiety I just feel I am the cause for all the problems and it would be so much better if my baby girl is rid off me.