When will this end....

Raven

Long rant. Apologies in advance..

I left my husband June 18th, after a huge fight ending in me having a concussion and busted knee because he was pissed I got a job. He told me my place was at home taking care of the baby, dogs, and cleaning house. Including cleaning up all the dishes and clothes and shit he left lying around, along with cleaning up after our 43yo roommate to whom we have no relation. He makes about $600/wk, and we only had to pay $250/mo in rent and ~$150/mo for electricity. He still refused to buy anything for the baby except bare necessities (diapers & wipes). Saying we could get family to buy whatever else she needed. He didn't want her to have any toys because "she has enough." The "enough" was about 10 stuffed animals various family members had bought her. He also made me stop going to therapy because he refused to pay for it (insurance won't cover my specific therapist that I've been seeing since 2011) and wouldn't let me get any dental work done -which I DESPERATELY need- and no vision even though my glasses aren't strong enough and I have a super hard time driving, especially at night, because of it. He talked me into ending friendships. I quit talking to family. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone except his friends, male and female (heaven forbid I even looked at a male, much less talked to one), and occasionally his family. Anyway... our marriage counselor offered to see me one on one when I told him about the fight and me leaving. It was fine at first, extremely helpful, actually. But, after seeing him today I'm wanting to cancel future appointments because I'm straight up sick of talking about him (husband, henceforth known as SD [sperm donor]). I've been snapping on people at work who ask about him. When I first left he changed completely. When I would go to the house for clothes or something, it would be completely clean, the dogs taken care of, he gave me money to get clothes for work, even. About a week later the cops finally got in touch with him to let him know about the warrant out on him, and he called me and threatened me saying that if he couldn't get a warrant out on me "somebody" would get me. I called to get a tpo and it was set up for the following week. They called me the day he turned himself in (and mommy bailed him out) to get me to come in the next day because he had called to get a tpo on me, and the way he was talking worried them so they wanted me to get one asap. We both have lawyers, but his keeps putting off the fucking court date. My lawyer agreed to the latest continuance as long as SD pays child support. We thought they would request visitaion, but it hasn't been brought up once, which I'm honestly happy about, but at the same time I'm beyond fucking pissed. Like, how can you make a baby and then not want to spend as much time with them as possible? It's got me to the point where I'm having serious man hating issues. I thought I was pretty healthily getting over it or whatever, but after today I realized I'm repressing so much and every time it's brought up I'm filled with rage like I haven't felt in years. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through something like this and can give advice on how to deal and when these terrible feelings will stop. If you made it this far, once again I'm sorry for it being so long, and thank you.