Anger. So much anger.

Im already on Zoloft for PPD.

There are days where I literally get angry with my 2 month old.

Tonight it’s because I’ve been up over an hour with him trying to get him to go back to sleep after a feeding so that I can go pump. Well he refused and I got so damn angry that I handed him off to my husband. I’m so damn hormonal that I get crazy ideas and think my newborn must me doing this to me on purpose bc he knows it bothers me.

Right now i feel so much anger towards the baby for other reasons too.

I feel like I gave up my life to have him.

I gave up my body to have him. My body hasn’t been mine since September of last year. I’m still breastfeeding but honestly I hate it more than I love it. I’ve been diagnosed with mastitis once and I’m dealing with a plugged duct now and it’s the most annoying and painful thing.

I gave up my sleep for him.

I gave up my sex life for him. I have zero desire to be intimate with my husband because I feel fat and ugly and like I don’t deserve to feel pleasure again. And also because we’re both always tired.

I know I’m going to get a lot of judgement but I just need to vent. I feel like I’m never going to feel like things get better even though it’s what everyone keeps telling me. I don’t know why I ever thought I’d be a good mom.