i feel empty

i’m not like other people

i have no one to turn to

not even one

my parents love my sister more

my friends use me for popularity

every time i let someone in

they stab me in the back

i’ve always been the nice friend

no one ever asks me if the nice friend is okay

or if it’s okay if they post that picture

i’m everyone’s therapist

i’m probably the one who needs one

i let them walk over me like a bridge

going over a hole

they all happily walk over it

but they don’t realize that the bridge

is falling into the hole itself

it’s not fair that no one notices

i still love my ex boyfriend

he’s dating someone else though

in fact it’s my ex best friend

i hate her guts with every fiber in my body

he doesn’t know why

and i don’t plan on telling him either

because he is also my best friend

and whatever makes him happy

makes me happy

but i’m not happy at all

so instead i fell in love with my other best friend. he’s an asshole though. i know that

i knew that going into it

but i fell so hard for him

i told him knowing he wouldnt feel the same

it still hurt when he told me though

just because you’re expecting to be shot

doesn’t make it any less deadly

and of course he has to act like he’s above me after i told him

can’t you see why i have no one?

literally no one.

people say i’m not trying but i am

try is a big three letter word

it’s not fair for you to tell me to try

i’ve been trying way too hard to force something that wasn’t there

forcing people and feelings and now it’s all crashing down

like i tried to force me and my best friend and look where we are now

i lied on the depression test and now they think i’m happy but i feel worse

i tried to be a good daughter and now look where i am, lying to my parents everytime they ask if i’m okay

you know i have 3 people i can talk to about this stuff

im losing all three of them

they’re tired of my sob stories

and i’m trying hard

don’t you see it?

all my efforts are put in the dark by more important things like which bathing suit she going to wear to the party

or her boyfriend

or just that’s she’s busy watching netflix

and the worst part is

i’m forced to help them with all of this

i’m disappearing and i’m screaming but it’s like someone hit mute

no one can hear me screaming

so i am trying but i’m so done trying to force things that aren’t there because it just hurts me every time

take it or leave it but that is the truth