God took you away from me from our family and I wonder why every day may 6 2019 was the worst day of my life . That day ruined my life for ever .when mom told me you were gone I felt like I had been drugged my body went numb I was hyperventilating I wanted to pass out .it’s like some one took the life right out me .I just couldn’t believe it, never in my 21 years of life did I think I would be told you were gone my best friend my little brother my twin . You were my everything and more yes we have other siblings but I don’t click with them then I did with you .I can’t help but everyday think after all we been through why would god continue to put this family through this pain . When I think about the last conversation I had with you you were so excited about your birthday which was only 4 days away from the worst day of my life the big 20 you were so excited to see it but you barley got to taste it . Now it’s today August 8 th 2 days after your 3 months death anniversary and I still feel the way I did 3 months ago it’s just so unfair I fell in a deep depression I couldn’t eat couldn’t sleep I could barely think I just wanted my life to end I wanted to join you in heaven and to be honest I still kinda do but I know my place is here I talk to my therapist but it’s not really helping I mean it’s great to get what I’m thinking off my chest but it still doesn’t help the way I feel I put a smile on my face for everyone else because I don’t want everyone to see how hurt I truly am it’s really like I’m dying inside but I put on a good show because nobody can tell but I’m starting to get tired of this front because it’s not how I feel inside I just want time to hurry so that I can see hear and feel you again my life will once again be complete I wanted to get matching siblings tattoo since we were so close but that is just a fantasy. Every day I think it’s so unfair I lost my brother but everyone else keeps theirs it’s like the universe is laughing at me and I hate it .and aside from all this pain I try and think what can I do to ease this pain to at least make my life bearable I can’t think of anything I just want it to come and go I’m so over life sometimes I think we well if there is ever a situation where the option is Dodge or death I pick death just not even try to save my self but I guess I have to keep moving you would not want me to be this way some ways are better than others but when it hits it really hurts I’m mad at every thing especially the way it happen and how I’m mad you spent your last two months heart broken because your girl treat you how you deserved to be treated I mad at that car your best friend and his sister but Im mad at you you knew the right decision but you chose the wrong you played with your life you didn’t take it seriously not only yours but the other two people in the car but they are here and you are not I don’t Know how to make it better and I am honestly tired of trying I wish there was just one way I could just talk to you hug you and tell you I love you one last time until my time is up for good but I guess good things comes to those who waits . Justin I miss you more than life and would give anything even my life to have you back if I could give all I have and be a bumm on the street I would but for now ik you are watching over me and I think got I got to spend with you the time I did and I hope you know how much I love you and miss you I am honored that God chose me to be your sister and I promise to make you proud until my last breath.