How do i let go and leave him? :'(

Ive been with my husband for 5yrs now, hes my 1st bf, 1st everything... i met him when i was 18 and he was 25. Im now 24, hes 31, we have 3 kids under the age of 3. Hes been abusive to me since the beginning of marriage. Physically and mentally. Ive left him 12x, but kept rounding back up to him. Hes not only abusive, but a cheater too. Im his 3rd wife, hes been divorced 2x.

Sighh, idk what to do anymore. I want to leave him, i know it is best for my kids and i. I just cant leave him at all... so many reasons why i cant leave, i still love him, id feel bad for leaving, he only have me left, his family doesnt love him. Although hes abusive, i am afraid hed find another and treat her way better than me. Idk, when hes loving, hes very very loving, hes all i ever wanted. But when hes mean, hes evil, hes the devil.

Im always frustrated and unhappy w him but i cant leave at all. Any suggestions?