So lately I have moved with my father once he made me realise how my mother raised me was wrong

One thing bothers me alot, so I decided to just rant here.

My mother had body shamed me all my life. All her comments about how my shirt made me bigger than I really was, how if my pants didn't fit immediately I should go on a diet, if we were at a store and I have gone a size up she tells me I need to get slimmer so I didn't have to make her spend so much money.

When I got my first period she never explained a thing. She threw me a box of tampons and said read the box. When I told her they didn't work (I was really emotional and cried when they wouldn't fit) she just screamed at me that I should be able to do it myself and just stop being so emotional over it. I couldn't go to her for questions or she would tell me I was suppose to be able to do it on my own. In the end my grandma threatened her life so she could buy me pads.

My mother has kinda of a big breasts because it is in the family and she had 2 kids. Well she always pokes me about how imma get big like her. She would 'whisper' to her friends saying how far I developed or how big my bum is. It was fairly annoying and I made it clear I was uncomfortable about her talking about my body to her friends like I was some kind of juicy rumor. Yet she still went on to her friends and gossiped about it. I would glare at her and as I got older I just always ignored these comments from her. She didn't only do it to me, she did it to my step-sisters too.

These things has lead me to hate my body and every inch of it that even resembles her. I look like a twin of my dad but I can't look in a mirror without finding something I want to carve out of me.

Now while she did all of this, she wanted me to talk about my body to her! She wanted to know have I felt horny recently, have I thought about sex, what my periods were like. She wants me to be open yet she always tells me I should be able to do it all myself and just know everything. That I shouldn't ask questions. That everything about my body was a private thing to tell no one. But yet she wanted me to tell her all about it and it was just so infuriating for me to sit there was just have this mindset of confusion. In the end I shut myself out from her which ended in me being her 'emo' child.

Gladly I am out of the house and better with my father. But imma have some major trust issues with doctor's questions about anything on my body😂