Just venting i guess

So. I'm laying here my son is cuddling with me I had him two weeks ago thru a c cetion because one the nurses messed up during my labor and I almost just wanna cry I wanted so much a natraul birth i didn't care how much pain. But I look back at night I guess feel so sad and ashamed I couldn't do it natural or hold him first know the feeling he's such a cuddler has been since first handed any other people feel like this at same point I'd do it again to save my baby and myslef don't regret it but I just get sad at times but I do hope my future I can have natural