I’m I being ungrateful and total bitch???

I have had three miscarriages in the past 2years and all 3were painful and I felt worthless. I’ve been to the top doctors in my country ran all the test that there is to find the problem.. I’ve also tried every natural remedy out there along with the power of prayer where morning noon and night I beg God to bless me with a little miracle to add to my family. This would be my 1st and my husband’s second!... so about five weeks ago I found out that I’m expect... yayyyyy right.. it was good for only two weeks.. my doctor places me on endometrin baby aspirin and a steroid called prednisone ( to suppress my immune system).. about a week after I started spotting... when I saw that blood my whole world was about to end.. immediately I stared to panic .. crying yelling asking God not to go throw this for a 4th time.... I contacted my doctor he placed me on strict bed rest and to keep my feet up.. I got so scared that I booked a private scan to see what was going on I was only 6weeks at the time.. going into the scan expecting the worst... there was my little baby there and saw the little flicker..but the spotting still continued and in my case spotting is a bad sign.... I decided to go to the ER couple of days later because I was still spotting.. they did a scan and baby was there and everything seemed to look fine....but why am I still spotting?? The doctor then came in and randomly ask me if I’m on endometrin and I was surprised cuz she looked a little young.. I said yes and she told me yes the applicators for the endometrin irritates the cervix and cause it to bleed I was relieved and she referred me to a specialized clinic who deals with high risk pregnancies... a week later MORNING SICKNESS HIT ME LIKE A FULLLL BUS.. to where I’m sorta unconscious drooling on myself puking 🤢 all the time.. standing up and lightly passing out... I’ve tried all the remedies .. the essential oils.. unisom b6 .. EVERYTHING.. I feel like giving up!! Depressed not happy I’m now almost 9weeks and it’s doesn’t seem to give me a break I’m sick alll day long .. isn’t this a happy time .. time to be joyous bound with my husband.. I don’t even want my husband near me I feel to hell at him all the time my household is miserable .. this is wat I wanted right??? Surprisingly I never felt this way with my previous miscarriages...Ican’t go on like this another day!!!...I know I’m kinda sounding selfish and u grateful but it’s like I’m diein slowly.. I’m going to see my doctor tomorrow hopefully he writes me a prescription..

Thanks for reading ladies.. hope some of you can relate!!!