I'm so bitter

I've been ttc for 5 yrs. Been on clomid and metaformin for a yr. I had a miscarriage last yr and my heart is just broken.

A good friend is having her baby tomorrow via c section. But tonight I found out my brother and his gf are having a baby. Due 8 days before my bday.

I am so bitter. Not towards them. But towards myself. All I want is a big family and I cant even give my husband that. And while I love my brother dearly, I worry about how hell handle this new child as any kids make him shut down and have anxiety attacks.

Why cant I be happy for what I have and what others are blessed with instead? It makes me bitter.

(Eta:: plz dont tell me to relax and that itll happen when it's meant to. Obviously it wont because I'm on FEETILITY MEDS and cannot have a baby without them).