Don’t have a baby if......

I had an idea as I was just wrestling my child. I want people to put the most ridiculous thing you’ve done with your baby. This is meant to be humorous. For example:

Don’t have a baby if...

....you don’t enjoy wrestling an angry octopus-like-child to pull out a boogie dangling from its nose.

....you don’t want to be on constant please don’t eat the cat food patrol.