Advice please 😓😓

I love this man to death. We’ve been together for 4 years & at the start everything was amazing and went so well. We were so close and could never go a day without eachother. He was so calm, sweet, headstrong, caring & so loving.

Then I fell pregnant, my reaction was good , I felt excited and happy because my partner is the father of my little angel.

Then 2 months after , we started having a problems & he cheated on me at party, this time I was still having morning sickness and I could barely eat so I was super depressed and cried every day and night. I took him back and gave him a chance after he constantly started apologising and became suicidal about what he did.

But taking him back didn’t change anything, we still argued here and there, we’d have our really good ups but mostly our downs. He’d break a lot of promises and make new ones which made me sick.

Then I gave birth to my little princess, we moved in with eachother and that’s when everything really went to sh*t. We argued almost every day, he’d leave the house almost every night to drink and months went by, his attitude went worse, he’d get into street fights, his anger got worse, he’d call me names , he’d mock my depression, he’d treat me like sh*t infront of his friends every time they’d visit and he’d talk about my family badly. Then I knew enough was enough and I left him the start of this year. I moved into my parents with my daughter and we stayed separated for 4 months.

He would message me terrible things like I’m a witch, I’m a ganga, I’m f*cked etc etc. there was a time where my child was sleeping at his & my younger cousin had comitted suicide, so his parents had asked our whole family to come over for family service , as it’s a tradition of ours , all family and friends have to get together to my cousin’s house & for a whole week we stay there. I asked if my daughter could come & told him the situation. He told me to fuck off and that he had just got her but I had told him I’ll take her back.

He was really shitty to me but I never stopped loving him.

Then around April, we saw eachother at a friend’s birthday party & ignored eachother. When the party finished, we all walked out and a guy came running to me , flirting and asking if he could take me home with his arms wrapped around me, but then my ex saw us and ran up to him grabbing him by the shirt and told him not to touch me , with all his friends around wanting to bash him. I told my ex to back off & apologised to the guy. I walked off with my friends and hopped on the train, my ex saw me and walked up to me and asked if he could take me home but I refused, I hopped off and he kept nagging me to take me home , so I let him. We didn’t kiss or anything and the ride was pretty quiet and awkward.

He messaged me after and told me how much he missed me and kept thinking about me every day & how he still loves me. My dumb self decided to fall for it and I told him how I felt too.

Then he drove to me 3 days later and you know what I did 🤦🏾‍♀️ I fell for the look in his eyes and we hooked up.

We got back together but things were going alright but not how I wanted, but I just missed him so I was lost in the relo.

I didn’t know if he was still in love or Inlove with the feeling. Or he couldn’t find anyone else. He was still a trouble maker, always about the street life and his attitude was still bad. He was still the same but he’d always ask me to come over his place cos he misses me or maybe he just wants me because we have a child together.

It was that long since we got back together til he got arrested and I don’t want to share why.

It’s been 3 months & this whole time without him, I’ve been drowning in my thoughts of if this relationship will last , if this is right or if it’s true love. If he is really inlove with me?

His family and I are so so close , we do everything together and I spend time with them almost every day but the relationship I have with my partner is different, every time I visit him, he’s quiet and never talks that much to me when I talk to him & he barely looks me in the eyes when I speak to him and it’s so awkward. I love him because of who I fell inlove with, but the man he has become is disgusting. Is this even right?

I don’t know what to do because I love him. Help me out please. I’m confused and stuck.