Should I end it?? Please help!!!

Question

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We’re in our mid 20’s. He’s a very attractive man and is a good provider. We used to be extremely happy together until I gained 60lbs. 
He only mentions the weight when I bring up feeling insecure and I feel overwhelmingly insecure. I’ve been trying to lose weight for about a year now with absolutely no luck. I feel like I’m hardly eating and I have a bad back but I try to do any type of workout that doesn’t make my back hurt. 
I’m not sure if losing weight would honestly change how I feel or not because I also just hate my features, I don’t feel beautiful, cute or sexy by any means but I feel like it might help enough to pull me out of my insecure funk. 
I have zero sex drive, I don’t want to go out for fear of being around attractive women, I don’t want to do anything! Nothing in my closet fits and every time I buy something new, it fits for like a week and then is tight (must be the way I’m doing laundry...)
This has started to affect our relationship, I don’t ever feel happy to see him and I don’t ever want to do anything with him, including sex, which we used to have an amazing sex life. I feel like he is so incredibly miserable with me.
I’ve tried talking to him and he says he loves me and can’t leave me no matter how he feels which basically confirmed he is miserable. I’m wondering if I should leave him? I feel selfish keeping him in a relationship where I know he is miserable and to no end as I’m not sure what could/will ever help me. 
I’m crying just thinking about it. I love him, but I’m not happy and neither is he and I hate it. I feel so lost. Any advice appreciated.

Answer

I think you should start with seeing a therapist. Sounds like you may be depressed. If he only brings up the weight when you discuss your insecurities then he is probably just trying to be helpful and just doesn’t know the right things to say.

Answer

This is a very tough situation because you feel trapped. For one thing, never feel ashamed about your weight and never let someone else make you feel ashamed about your weight.  You mentioned that he “only brings up the weight when...” and so does that mean that he actively says, “maybe you’re insecure because of your weight”? If so, then I think you should first tell him how hurtful it is when he says things like that. 
However, divide your feelings. Set your insecurities aside and establish your true feelings for him. Do you still want to be with him? Or do you just wish you had more from him motivation-wise. Because maybe this could be something you work on together. I know you said you tried talking to him, but make the conversation a joint effort. Now, I’m not saying you should “need” support from someone else to accomplish something, but it can help. I know what you’re going through, because I lost 60 pounds last year, but it was partially because I had my boyfriend motivate me and push me. I, too, had no sex drive, didn’t feel beautiful, and wanted to be more confident. My weight gain made my relationship suffer, but I asked my boyfriend (as well as my family) to work with me, which ultimately lead me to regain my confidence both in my relationship and personal self-worth. 
So, basically, see if you can meet halfway and find a happy medium. See how willing he is to try to make things better. If he doesn’t show any real attempts, then you should maybe think about breaking up with him. A relationship can only work if both people are involved. I know this was a long response, but I hope it helps you even just a little bit!!

Answer

Oh girl I'm so sorry. You have a good guy there though.
I would recommend trying to find a good therapist who deals with body image problems. Also maybe have your doctor check your thyroid and whatever because there may be a medical reason you have started gaining. I found it is helpful to good a food log in one of those apps that tracks calories. Sometimes people eat far more calories than they think they do in the average day.
As to the relationship: a healthy relationship where both parties love each other should be able to survive physical changes or mental health issues.

Should I end it?? Please help!!!

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