Should I be asked to be a bridesmaid in SIL wedding?

Question

Light back story because a full backstory would probably take 3 weeks to type. 
My husband has 1 sibling- an older sister (31 y.o)
I got married March 2019. Prior, things were good with his family, even his sister and her bf were invited on my family vacation to Europe and asked her to be a bridemaid before we left for vaca. I thought i was marrying into the best family ever!

Nov 2018 it started to go down hill and some self entitlement started to show. I didn't want to step on toes so I let my husband handle everything, since it did have to do with his side anyway, but my feelings were hurt due to some stuff she said to him. I let it go and kind of just moved on. 
My wedding preperations were underway and unfortunately with some bridal shower plans, things started to surface about how ugly things were getting with my girls and his sister. A lot of the plans had to be cancelled and redone including date and venue to fit HER needs. I kept quiet and never really called her out- i kind of just wanted to keep the peace. A lot of drama and months later, my shower, bachelorette party (wich she chose not to come to) and wedding had come and went. I pretty much thought we were on ok/ good terms. After all, her issues were with my girls, not me. 
She gets engaged in April 2019 and plans the wedding for June 2020. I kept waiting and waiting for her to ask me to be a bridesmaid. I remember saying to my husband, shes under a year away from the date, i wonder how far into her plans shes accomplished. Needless to say I saw on social media that she said yes to the dress and all NINE bridesmaids also bought there dresses.

Upset was an understatement. I felt to hurt to be so excluded, and i also saw how upset my husband was to see his only sister didnt ask his wife to be in the wedding. (For our wedding we had both her and her bf a part of our big day, and her bf asked my husband to be a groomsmen) so it was all pretty much full circle except i was the only one not included. I was under the impression it was her friends and cousins as bridesmaids.
Today i found out she also has both of her bfs sisters a part of her bridal party, those 2 same sisters that she has next to no relationship with.

Im sure half of you guys are thinking seriously? Its not your day, its not about you. Idk. I just cant help but to feel so hurt, excluded and disrespected. 
Is it me? Or would you feel some kind of way too?

Answer

I mean it’s obviously her call but you said you had issues with her with your wedding why would she put you in hers if it didn’t work right for your wedding? It seems like you guys don’t have a great relationship so obviously she’s not going to have you be part of the wedding just because.

Answer

Just because you asked someone to be in your wedding doesn’t mean they have to ask you to be in theirs. Especially if you two aren’t quite as close as you originally were. My cousin had me as a bridesmaid in her wedding but for my wedding I didn’t have her a part of it I actually had her sister In my wedding party 🤷🏼‍♀️. Unfortunately it is her day and the wedding is all about the bride and groom and that’s really it so they need to make the choices that their happiest with. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t value your relationship or care about you. I understand feeling a little hurt since she was part of your big day but you can’t dwell on it. That was your choice and now this is hers.

Answer

There's no way I would or could have asked all the brides I've stood up for to stand up at my wedding. Just because she was in yours doesn't mean you have to be part of hers. Feeling disrespected is a little much. Your relationship isn't the same as it was and it comes down to her and her groom's choice and they are under no obligation to explain their choices to you.
Think of it this way...now you dont have to waste hundreds of dollars on a dress and shoes you won't wear again. Or money on hair and makeup being done. If she acted so horribly for your shower and bachelorette you won't have to deal with planning or co hosting anything for her. You and your husband will be able to attend as guests and enjoy the day without the last minute stressors or being part of the wedding party.

Answer

You’re entitled to your feelings, but she’s not required to ask you to be a bridesmaid. There aren’t any rules when it comes to choosing bridesmaids. She doesn’t have to do what you did. She’s a different person than you and just because you did it one way doesn’t mean she needs to do it that way too. Stop expecting people to do what you would do.

Answer

She was in your wedding because she's your husband's sister, her future husband's siblings are in hers because they're related. I see nothing wrong with this. Siblings should be a part of each other's weddings. I won't be in my sister in laws, but she was in mine. My husband will be, but I don't mind because they as a family were there for each other on their big day. Don't let this be an issue. Good luck!

Answer

I personally hated being in someone’s wedding. My dress (color too) was fucking ugly and cost $250. My shoes were even worse and were $60. I had to use a hairdresser that she hired and she did a total shit show of a job on my hair (long hair) and on top of all that I had to wear my ugly shoes to the bachelorette party ( we clubbed Seattle hard core til like 6am) whole it was tons of fun - I hated everything I had to buy and wear ( and so did all the other bridesmaids) and it was a super fancy hard core Catholic ceremony. I spent a ton of time away from my baby at the time and I was still breastfeeding so I was always dealing with full boobs. 
I don’t understand why it’s so important to be in someone’s wedding. It was kind of ridiculous. Fun, but I seriously spent way too much time and money on someone’s else’s wedding day. But I did it with a smile. 
5 years later, my friend apologized to all of us for wearing such a ridiculous outfit. That’s how long it took her to realize what she made us look like. I secretly hope nobody else ever asks me to do that.

Answer

I’ve never thought of being a bridesmaid as tit for tat 🤔 What does it actually change for you to be a guest instead of a bridesmaid? If anything it’s cheaper/less work 😉 I think you and your husband are pressuring her to make a choice for her wedding that she doesn’t really want to. Let it be her day!

Answer

Quite frankly I wouldn’t give a shit. If she gave you issues during your planning period why would you want to be involved with that mess? I understand that you feel that she should have at least considered asking you since you went out of your way to include her, but I would ask yourself would you really want to be in that bridal party and feel more excluded because of the past and any other issues that may come up?

Answer

My SIL was one of my bridesmaids and I just found out I wouldn’t be one of hers because she has too many friends 🙄. My husband is upset about it and to be honest I am a little too since my husband and all my kids will be in the wedding and I’m the only one not but I’m also sort of relieved. It’s ok to be disappointed but it’s her wedding and she can do whatever she wants. Just let it go.

Answer

Of course you can feel some kinda way.
But its her call

Should I be asked to be a bridesmaid in SIL wedding?

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