Does being kind come naturally?

Question

A lot of people in the world are really kind and know how to deal with emotions really well. 
Say someone's having a bad time, they know exactly the right thing to say or when to offer a hug. 
You have others who are charitable, sociable and all round caring. Jennifer Garner would be an example, she's super kind, fun, appears happy etc. 
I find it really difficult to say the right thing, be kind all the time, charitable and downright friendly. I guess I'm an asshole of sorts. 
Do you think kindness comes naturally? Or is it something you have to work on?

Accepted Answer

All research up to this point shows humans are not inherently kind. Kindness is something we learn as we grow up. 
That kindness is also very easy to lose the more you get bullied, stepped on, etc. There is also compassion and kindness burn out as well, when people can't do it anymore and need time to recharge. 
For example, I know a person who is only kind to those who deserve it. Everyone else could burn and they wouldn't care. That comes from how they have been treated over the course of their life up to this point. 
The hardest person to be kind to is yourself though, as we are always so hard on ourselves.

Answer

Saying the right thing or controlling ones emotions is not exactly the same thing as being kind. I'm not kind just because I can keep a cool head under pressure or because I can pull some fluff out of my ass to ease a tense situation, I'm just really quick on my feet to be honest. I'm scrappy.🤷‍♀️ Words can hurt, no doubt about it, but unless you're intentionally saying some fucked up shit to hurt someone when they're down, you're not unkind. Also, I'm generous, selfless(I'm working on that one because there is such a thing as too selfless, it's called martyrdom), I have an excellent bedside manner and I'm a great listener. All excellent qualities, but I choose when and where to use those qualities and why. Am I doing it to look good or benefit in any way? That to me is the opposite of kindness. Am I doing it because someone really needs my help and expe tong nothing in return? That's actual kindness. I have a problem with people who give of their time or money and expect shit in return, that is not kind, that is greed. I'll stop here because I think I've just gone sideways....

Answer

I think we all want to be kind and helpful. But I think it also comes much easier to blow someone off or ignore their bad day. I am one who will ask if everything is ok if someone seems off, but I am not one to go out of my way to give someone a hug or something. I am awkward when it comes to comforting those I am not super close to.

Answer

I think it’s a combination of genetics and what we learned from our caregivers and environment as children.  
I think there’s also a way to be too kind, or kind to a fault where one always values others over themselves.  I think it’s important to be kind to yourself.
For me I was always a peacekeeper, which would come off as kind, but created a terrible anxiety.  Therapy has helped me learn and cultivate a healthier type of kindness, it’s something I work on every day and intend to keep working on, likely, for the rest of my life.

Answer

It had came naturally for me when I was little. But after years of being treated like crap it kinda just faded. I show my kindness through giving now and will help people I know out. I don’t talk to anyone anymore without anxiety much less do I like complimenting anyone out of the blue. I just hardened up and now I get comments on what a bitch I am and how rude I am to people. But it’s people like them that caused that to happen 🤷‍♀️. I have nothing but respect for people who can be so compassionate to people even after being treated like shit, I just am not one of those people I guess.

Answer

For me, it comes naturally. 
My first instinct had always been kindness.
For my husband, it's something he has to think about and actively work on and practice. 
I'm not sure if it's a nature vs nurture sort of deal but it definitely varies from person to person.

Answer

I think kindness is learned just like hatred is learned.

Answer

I think it's something you have to work on. For example, who feels kind when someone cuts you off? Kindness doesn't flip them the bird. I do think it comes easier to some people because of personality.

Answer

I try to be nice, but some people make it so hard to do that. 
Like for example, I had this customer asking about a pizza and wing special. I told him we didn’t have a pizza and wing combo special. He said no I want to know if there’s a pizza and wing special. I again told him no we don’t and these are the specials we have. He yelling now. He’s like am I not speaking clearly I want to know about pizza and wing special. Can you put someone else on the phone? So for the final time I told him I was the only one answering phones and there’s no pizza and wings deal. He said you could’ve told me that. 
I’m just like I did. He goes no you didn’t.

So it’s very very hard to be nice to people.

Answer

I do not think it comes naturally. I think how you’re raised, your developmental years, education(formal or informal), etc. can affect it.

Does being kind come naturally?

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