ex issues

so i’ve been testing out the waters with my ex again about possibly getting back together. i know deep down i still love him and i still want a connection with him, but i can’t help but feel the spark anymore.

a bit of a backstory, my ex is my first boyfriend ever and my first time. i was a virgin up until my senior year of high school and now i am a freshman in college. my ex and i had broken up and in the time period we were broken up on very nasty terms, i had sex with a guy and i enjoyed it.

however, my ex entered the picture again and i’m thinking about getting back with him if we can work through our issues, but i don’t have the heart to tell him that sex with him is so boring.

i don’t feel as attracted to his looks anymore or his penis, but i know i love him for who he is but it makes it hard when i see him differently. he asked why i stay with him and i told him because i love his heart, but he keeps telling me that, “you can get someone hotter than me in an instant that has the qualities i have and a good heart.” and i hate when he says that because then i start to question being in a relationship with an attractive person and i fear that my thoughts are going to get too loud.

i think the bottom line is that i want him and love him, but i don’t know how to be attracted to him.

i feel like an asshole saying all this about him and hope i’ll calm down, but it’s so difficult and i feel like i don’t know what else to do other than ask for advice.