Were you scared to have sex after giving birth?

The reason I put stitches or not is because I had to have an episiotomy and every time I feel my scar it scares me and makes me cringe. I just had a feel about down there in the shower, not to masturbate but to see if I can feel a difference or if anything doesn’t feel right and it honestly made me gag. I am terrified to start having sex again, I’m worried about it being painful or maybe there might be something not right. I’m probably completely overthinking it all but I would love to know if anything helped you if you felt like this.

Thank you!