My story starts when I was a child.. me and my father were inseparable, the bestest friend you could ever ask for! We would learn together, he would teach me the time, even help me with algebra. He would plat my hair or even curl it with curlers, do my make up and I’d do his.

Bike rides and baking cakes. He taught me how to cook too. I learnt so much from my father, he was the best!

Even our long phone calls that would last hours and hours, we would talk about everything and anything. He was the only person I could trust.

My father was a big fella due to prescription drugs. He was a manic depressive and over time found himself struggling to walk due to his back and knees. My dad then finally became house bound.. or bedroom bound. I tried my best for many years to keep him a float with my love, company, PS4 games and the love of guitars. But my dad was a very positive person even tho he struggled with his mental health and pain.

November 2018 came along and I found out I was pregnant with my third child.. me and my husband were over the moon as we’d be trying for over a year. As soon as I found out, I told my mum and dad!

As you can imagine there were ecstatic!

Christmas came and it was great!! I bought my father a new guitar and all sat round the table enjoying Christmas!

Little did I know that would of been the last Christmas I spent with my father.

January 8th 2019 I got a phone call to say my dad was deteriorating. He got phenomena 2 days before and was rushed to hospital due to not being able to breathe properly.

As you can imagine, I was there every step of the way.

As soon as I got the phone call, I drove straight to the hospital in a panic. As I got there, me and my mother was put into a quiet room.. I knew straight away it was bad news. My mum started to panic and I tried to hold my tears back. A doctor came in and he looked at me and I knew what he was going to say.. my heart sunk. He said ‘I’m so sorry’. I started to scream and cry. I just couldn’t help it. My best friend had left me.. how was I going to cope but I had to be strong as I was 10 weeks pregnant.

It broke my heart as my dad never saw my 12 week scan. He would of been so proud.

Since that day.. I have thought about my father every single day. And I have cried at least once a week. 9 months on and it still feels like it happened yesterday. I can’t get over what happened.

I cry myself to sleep at night knowing I can never hear his voice again or to even tell him that I love him.

My newborn is now 12 weeks old.. I had a little girl. My first girl too ☺️ my father always wished I would have a girl as he knew I always wanted a baby girl.

He would be so proud. I just wish I could tell him how well she’s doing but I can’t and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that my little baby will never meet her grandad.

I wrote this story to maybe help get things off my chest and maybe help others that are going through the same and that your not alone.

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