is finding yourself real?

i hear people say it all the time but how do you find yourself? i just broke up with my boyfriend because ive been emotionally abusive and manipulative for the past few months and i desperately want to transform into a better person and grow away from all the shitty things ive done. i hate the thought of being manipulative and abusive. i know this post is a mess but are there any suggestions on how to grow as a person, and find yourself and basically better yourself? i need advice :( im 19, i dont know shit, and ive been dating this guy since i was 17. i need guidance desperately. thank you if u even read this!