Im about 7 weeks pregnant

And more or less since i found out my hormones have been crazy, however i have suffered from mild depression previously but not keen on antidepressants espechinaly whiel ttc pregnant or breastfeeding. I'm not even sure if it is safe.

I'm so fed up in constantly crying flying off handle just feel alone, Iv been wakkng up having what i can only describe as anixty attacks I'm not i have a great husband family and son. But I just feel i can't cope I find it a struggle to even tidy the house have a shower. I get even more upset when some family tell me I shouldn't feel like this cause i have great life, which i know and wish i didn't feel like but I cant help how I'm wired. I need some type of coping mechanism. I actaully feel like I'm a different person when this is happening and on some weird way think if I just died it would stop it all but I don't actaully want to die and It terrfies me that I could possibly die and leave my son :S all I want to be is happy. I plan to speak to my midwife about this as I know she is a professional but does anyone have any advice or has felt similer to this