Will this be a constant reminder? 🥺

I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant with my ex’s son. Tbh I never was excited about this pregnancy like I thought I would be. Maybe it’s the hormones but some days I’m over the moon about this baby and other I wish I never had gotten pregnant. I hate to say it but it’s the truth. He doesn’t want anything to do with me or his son. So I’ll be completely alone. I’m sure that I’ll be able to do it financially but what I never thought about was emotionally. I don’t think I could look at my son everyday and not be reminded of his dad and everything he’s put me through. Moms always say that once the baby comes that I’ll feel different but I honestly don’t see that happening. I don’t know how to emotionally handle it. I wish this wasn’t what I was going through. Some times I think about how things would’ve turned out if I got the abortion that he was trying to force on me. Would I be happy? Would I still have the things I had to give up to support this baby? Maybe I’m completely overthinking this whole thing. Then I see other people around me who weren’t the nicest people but they have everything. And it just feels like what the hell am I possibly doing wrong. I’ve worked so hard just for everything to fall apart. I just don’t know how much more I can take. Seeing a tiny version of that man might just be the thing that sends me over board