How is your relationship?

Question

After having your baby/babies? This is our first and my relationship with my husband is rocky at times. He doesn’t help me with the baby at all.. he works and I stay home and he thinks the baby is “my job” even when he’s home. It’s starting to really irritate me. We had a talk and he said he didn’t know he wasn’t helping (lol k). He’s also always been such a happy positive person, and lately he’s always in a crab ass mood. I’ve asked him if I did or said anything to make him mad and he always just says no I’m tired or “yeah you’re annoying me and the baby is annoying me.” Like ok we will go live somewhere else than? I think what he thought having a baby is like and what it actually is like is sinking in for him. 
Is anyone in the same boat? Or have any advice? We haven’t had a big fight or anything, it’s just little things everyday that are stressing me out. I feel like I’m always trying to do 1000 things at once with no help and he thinks I do nothing.

Answer

Yes! Ive been there. My partner and I had a great relationship before our son arrived. When I gave birth EVERYTHING changed. We argued ALL the time. I found myself more than I ever did. My partner did NOT help me, so I was very sleep deprived and irritated. He would come home so tired and pass out. When I would mention how he wasn’t helping me and that I needed break, he would tell me that I can work and he will stay home with the baby because my job as a stay at home mom was “EASY”. He would get annoyed when the baby would cry, he felt like our son didn’t “likeL him. It was horrible and I thought our relationship was going to fail and I was planning on leaving him. 
Soooo, what I did was I ended up leaving our son with him. I left the house for the whole day and I did this multiple times a day. It gave my partner the opportunity to see what its like to be left with our baby by himself. Our son was very colicky and it got very difficult and stressful at times. My partner was able to understand what it was like doing everything alone and that’s when things started to change for the better. He started helping me way more. He was a first time dad so he had a lot of learning to do. Communication and understanding plays a huge role!! It takes time and patience. A baby can make or break things and that’s the truth. It’s a life changing experience for both you and him. Always remember to make time for both of you as well. Most times we get caught up on just focusing on the baby that we forget we have a relationship with our partner. 
It’ll get better, just give it some time. Communicate more, involve him with the baby too. You can sit next to him and have him feed the baby, change the diaper together, let the baby lay on his chest, etc. 
My son will be 1 years old tomorrow and things have improved so much and my honey has made a complete change. We are going on our second child together and I know this will go much sooner..

Answer

My husband and I have had some teething issues (in our relationship), but we're super open about our expectations. Bit even then sometimes we slip, get lazy and start getting annoyed at the other for not pulling weight. 
The way I see it, when we are home together, that's when we are 50/50, like each of us is part time, let's say. If either of us need a break, we let the other know and if it's possible we get a say, a 20 mins nap, or 15 mins to just chill on our phone, whatever it is  When my husband leaves for work that's when we each have our full time day jobs. My husband at work, and me at work (home with baby). They are both jobs, it's just that as a society we place different value on each.
If one of us wants a night out with friends, we flag it when we know about it and the other cares for babe. 
Definitely always learning new things as we go and it took a few breakdowns on my part to get it through to my husband the effort and work that goes into being at home with baby, but definitely feel now that we have for the most part worked out our roles and the changing relationship. 
Definitely helps to go out yourself if you can and leave your partner with the baby by themself to see what it's like, even for an hour or 2!

Answer

Having baby is one of the few most significant and life changing moments out there. Yep, your life will never be the same again. It takes some time to get adjusted. More for some people than others. Key is to communicate. And say straightforwardly what you want and what concerns you. If your husband is not sharing much, start with yourself. Clearly say what kind of help you want from him - like I would like you to feed baby before bed / give baby a bath / take baby to the park over the weekend so I have 2 hours to myself, etc. 
also say you understand he is tired at work and stuff but you are also in need of some rest and alone time. Don’t start the argument, or sound aggressive or like you are complaining - just say that you feel like the mood around the house is not as it used to be, and you really want to improve it

Answer

The best thing to do is to communicate this in a way that doesn’t attack him. Men are all about their egos so instead of telling him he isn’t doing anything; just try to talk to him about how you feel, exactly how you told us. Tell him you miss spending alone time with him, tell him you miss when he was in a more positive mood. Some men start to feel like they’re being replaced by the baby so make sure you’re making time for him as well and making him feel appreciated. Casually mention how you appreciate all that he does for you guys and how hard he works, etc. If you just go in with an attitude that he isn’t doing anything right, it won’t go over well

Answer

With our first most of the time i have to ask him for help and we argue about him not helping or not doinh it on his own that i have to ask him for everything but now with baby no. 2 he helps more than before and i don’t have to ask him lol... i asked him why he is helping and he said cuz there’s 2 of them and it’s hard and needed help lol...

Answer

Agreed and going through the same stuff

Answer

I’m in the exact same boat as you. Things have been hard. She’s my “job” even when hes home he goes upstairs to relax. And we’ve had many fights about it. Not once has he fed her or given her bath. Maybe changed like 5 diapers. It sucks. All’s I know she’s my one and only. I’m one and done, because i feel alone 95% of the time.

Answer

My husband works and I’m a stay at home mom and 9 months preggo right now. 
He doesn’t help either lol

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