Helpless and defeated.

I am at a complete loss. Seeking any advice or encouragement.

My husband has a great job. It pays well, he excellent benefits, he works with two good friends. It affords us a nice life. I am a therapist by trade, but stay home with our daughter.

Work has been tough on him lately. I have watched him deteriorate. He used to like his job, but lately he has become worn down. A good employee left, and then another one just left in a very shady way. This high turnover has caused a lot of issues and stress for him. He has told me how it has bothered him, which is a big deal since he doesn’t share his emotions much.

Today he came home and was different. He sat on the floor in our daughter’s room and played with her for a few minutes. He told me if it wasn’t for her he would quit his job. Then he told me, “if I didn’t have her and I was with someone who made more money, I would have already quit my job.”

I was hurt, but I could see the misery he was feeling. I told him if he needed to look for a new job, I would support him. I expressed I know he feels a lot of pressure to provide for us and I don’t think he should have to work a job he hates. I reminded him his job has silver linings, but if he felt he couldn’t get past this, I would support him finding a new job. I offered to go back to work, and he scoffed. I mean, he isn’t wrong. $45,000 a year won’t support our family.

He sat in the room in silence on her floor. Wouldn’t speak. He got up, took a shower, and then laid in bed. I went in to ask if he wanted dinner. I asked if he was okay. Silence. Just laid there in the dark.

I took my daughter in her room to play, and I just sat there crying on the floor. I feel so conflicted. Do I give him space? Do I put him on suicide watch? Are we not enough? All these thoughts.

I have never seen him in this depressed state. I hate it and I want to make it better. But, at the same time it feels selfish that he gets to even be depressed. He just lays there, unwilling to let me help him, and he acts as if there aren’t things to be tended to around the house. I know it sounds bitchy to be upset when he is in such a bad state. I know. But, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t get the luxury of laying around ignoring everyone.

I don’t know how to help him, and now I am depressed too.😩