Wish I knew what was happening

This is my fourth day of “spotting”.

Sunday was a light pink, Monday was light pink again, Tuesday was red with a couple dark red stringys (like 2 tiny ones) and today I’m back to pink again.

Me and my husband have basically come to terms with the fact I’m probably having a miscarriage... it’s heartbreaking but we’ve ran out of emotions to feel.

My tests are still showing pregnant but I guess that doesn’t mean anything?

I went to the ER Sunday and they told me I had two babies that didn’t have heartbeats which measured 6mm and 8mm (6w3d & 6w5d), and basically said they were certain I would pass them.

Monday I went to my OB and they said I only had one and it measured at 6w1d and she said she thinks she saw a flutter of a heart beat. She said that maybe the baby is too small and that’s why my body might be rejecting.

Tuesday I spoke to my mum about her symptoms with me and she said she had “periods” throughout her pregnancy and they lasted 3/4 days.

Today I called my OB again and they said it sounds like my body is trying to pass the baby and to wait it out until our next appointment next week.

It is crushing me that I don’t truly know what’s happening and I literally cannot cry anymore, we’ve been through such a rollercoaster and I just want to know what’s really going on. I can only read so many relatable posts before I loose my shit.

I’ve been trying to get my mind of things by working on Christmas gifts but it just doesn’t help to be honest. I know In the end everything will be ok, but fuck this is hard.