I’m wondering if it is normal for parents on the spectrum to be uninvolved with the care of their children. I recently saw a post on an Aspergers awareness Facebook page I follow in which a father with Aspergers was venting that he is struggling to meet the time demands of having a family because he no longer has the time he needs to recharge and take care of himself mentally. I feel like everyone with a family struggles to fit in self care. To what extent should we consider an Aspie’s self care as more important than that of a neurotypical parent? My husband has Aspergers and does not help with our kids unless I harass him for help, and when I do get him to help, he often complains, gets angry, and can be downright nasty to me for asking. I understand that my husband is overloaded with stimulation on a daily basis and the social struggles he encounters at his full time job are a lot for him to deal with, which is why I am always putting in 100% to care for our family. When I ask for help, it is only when I absolutely need it. We even pay for daycare or babysitting on days I work and he is off work. I most commonly ask him for help so I can catch up on stuff I do for the whole family, like laundry or dishes, and more often than not, he responds by snapping at me or complaining. Two days ago, I had a stomach bug with vomiting and diarrhea. I was so ill, I could not move without it causing me to throw up. My husband was feeling a little sick, with a low grade fever and some loose stool, but the worst had not hit him yet. Our boys were running around me playing and I could smell that the 2 year old was poopy and I knew his diaper was probably also very full of pee at this point, so I asked my husband to change him. He grabbed the 1 year old who also happened to be poopy, and changed him, then sat back down. I repeated to him that our 2 year old was poopy and could he please change him. He yelled at me, “What do you want me to do now?! What would you have done if I would have gone to work today?!” Then he went on and on about how I don’t care about how sick he is (by the way, the bug hit him full force yesterday and I took care of both of our boys as well as my husband all day even though I wasn’t at 100% yet 🙄). So at this point I was crying because I knew he wasn’t going to change our 2 year old and I would have to do it. I got as far as cleaning his butt and put the dirty diaper in the bin, then I threw up in the diaper bin. I was sobbing at this point because I didn’t know what to do. I had puke dripping from my face and hands and the wipes were out of reach. Finally, my husband came over and handed me the wipes. I was hoping he would take over with the kids at this point, so I laid down and fell asleep for 2 hours. I woke up to the sound of my 1 year old screaming at the top of his lungs. I found the boys in their bedroom with the lights out. My husband had put them in their pajamas and put them to bed 2 hours early so he wouldn’t have to deal with them! At this point I was still feeling awful, but was able to move around, so I just took back over with the kids and my husband shut himself in our bedroom. This situation isn’t new, this is just the most recent example of what my daily life is like. I’m just wondering if this is normal behavior for a parent with Aspergers, or if this is just my husband. I feel so isolated because if I talk to my friends and family about stuff like this, they will tell me to leave him. They definitely don’t consider Aspergers when they make judgments on his behavior. I’m definitely struggling and I regularly consider divorce. It’s difficult because I still really love my husband. I love just spending time with him. He still makes me laugh every day. I also have empathy for him and his struggles and I want to be with him and support him. It hasn’t even been a year since his diagnosis. He lived 40 years not understanding why life was such a struggle for him. Plus, our 2 year old has shown many signs that he might also have Aspergers and I think having a parent around who can relate to him is a good thing. If we get divorced, I will have to move back to my hometown which is 7.5 hours away, meaning my kids will not regularly see their father. My husband is in counseling and I know he is trying. I’m just constantly weighing the pros and cons of staying. Is this something that may improve over time with counseling, or is this just something I have to deal with being married to a man with Aspergers? I have severe social anxiety, so I’m nowhere close to being normal myself and I also “need” self care, but never get it because my kids come first. I want to give my husband compassion and understanding, but I also know that there is a limit to how much I can give before I fall apart. I already mentioned breaking down and crying in front of my kids which happens way more often than I like to admit, and I also lose my patience and raise my voice or yell at my kids sometimes when I am feeling resentment and frustration towards their father. They definitely don’t deserve that behavior from me. I’m constantly debating if this life is what is best for them. Can any parents out there relate? I also would love to hear perspective from others with Aspergers. If I wanted to just hear “leave him, leave him” without any consideration or compassion for his struggles with Aspergers, I would be talking to my friends and family 😏 Thanks for reading my long post!