Postpartum feelings

Irdk if I’m suffering ppd but it’s been on and off. When I first had my baby I didn’t feel that love connection everyone feels when they first see their baby.. I didn’t want for her or anything.. before she was born my so put me through a lot I wanted an abortion but my mom and sister kept convincing me to keep her. I kept bringing it up even at 5-6 months (even though it was far along) but I was honestly not wanting to deal with the dad so I didn’t want her either. Well she’s here and now one month I’m having on and off feelings about her. Sometimes I want her and love her and other times I just can’t. She cry’s so much. I look at other babies and they are so quiet and relaxed. They sit in their swing and my baby cry’s when I put her down. I have to constantly hold her and when I’m sleep she has to lay in my arms or she will cry. It’s frustrating me. I resented her. I talked to my doctor and they put me on antidepressants but I don’t take them often. One day I’ll be fine and the next I’m back to the crying and feeling like I miss my old life. I feel bad because she didn’t ask to be here, so I have to care for her it’s my responsibility. everyone loves her so much and when you get to the mom it’s an iffy situation which is so messed up. And I feel so bad..