Does this seem like an unreasonable reaction or was I wrong?
My husband gets into work at least 40 minutes early every day, and comes home anything from 30-50 minutes home late every evening. Without fail, every single evening. And he works less than 4kms from home so one can't even blame traffic, he literally just goes in early and leaves late.
This leaves me doing everything around the house, always.
Tonight they had a work function (a product launch) and said he'd let me know if spouses could come and if yes he'd come quickly and get me. I don't know why spouses wouldn't be able to come considering it's an open event but anyway.
I planned my day around the possibility of being out in the evening. I showered after work, fed the dogs and cats early, let the birds out earlier in the morning than usual, just in case, etc. Didn't take out anything to cook, nothing.
I don't hear from him at all.
Eventually I looked at the time, saw the even would have started by now and realised he wasn't going to come get me. So I sent him a message saying I guess I'll see him later and I'll sort out my own supper. He said no, he'll bring food home and I make him feel bad when he stays late. I said that we'll he's always going in early and coming home late and frankly tonight is no different. He said he understands how I feel.
I must add that until a few months ago, he used to stay late every single Friday night to drink with his colleagues. He only stopped because the last time he went out with them, I had to physically drag him to the hospital with alcohol poisoning.
Hours later I message him asking what time he's going to be home (I had more of a snack than anything else because he said he was bringing food). The message didn't deliver so I gave it a few minutes before I phoned him.
He answers but it immediately disconnects. Now again I need to add he has a habit of ignoring my phone calls but immediately replies to my messages after just ignored my phone calls. So I send an admittedly snarky messages about how that's a new one. He said he'll be home around 21:00 and that he pushed the wrong button.
I really don't want to eat at 21:00, and I have chronic fatigue so I go to bed about 21:20.
He gets home shortly after and just went off at me. Telling me I ruined his night, where the fuck is he going to go, why can I never just NOT phone him, I must leave him alone. Went on a huge rant, literally yelling at me.
I mean, all I want is a bit of communication. Especially when I'm waiting on him to potentially go out, and again when I'm waiting in him for food. He NEVER checks in when he leaves me at home alone, in case of emergency. Doesn't tell me when he's staying late, doesn't tell me when he's coming home, nothing. It's a guessing game with him.
And to be honest, when he goes out it stirs up old emotions from when he used to go out all weekend and would never allow me to come with. Literally, he either wouldn't come home or he'd "go to the shops" or he would simply tell me we don't have enough money for both of us to go out (yet he never thought if that were the case he should stay with me).
I digress. I feel like his reaction tonight coming home was very very very extreme but maybe I'm not thinking of it from his point of view?
*** To answer some questions/ address some comments:
1) I work from home. I've only met one of his co-workers when we happened to run into him at the shops. They all know I exist but I've never met any one else, nor have I been to his work. He's been working at this particular place since February. At this old job he had no problems with my meeting the people he worked with. I know he works with predominantly males but for example, at his old job I used to drop off keys right at his desk when I had to go out (he lost his so we've been using one for a while now). At this job, he prefers to meet me outside.
2) He's a new car sales executive. So I can understand the staying late and such sometimes, but when he changed to this new job he assured me he would get out that habit (he used to stay very late at his old job because of traffic).
3) I get tonight wasn't a super social event, but it would have been a nice opportunity for me to meet his colleagues. I wouldn't have stayed late, I just wanted to see the new car.
4) The Friday night staying late is solely for drinking. Literally just him and some of his co-workers. He doesn't always stay too late, but he never bothers to let me know at all. That night he got alcohol poisoning he said he was going to have one beer and then at about 20:00 I realised he wasn't going to come home. By 22:00 I was begging him to come home because he had to work in the morning and I didn't want him to fall into old habits of being hungover/ still drunk/ tired. He eventually came home 22:20 and like 15 minutes later I was literally manoeuvring him onto a blanket to drag him to my car because he was literally choking on his vomit while sitting up.
5) We actually did have the Life360 app but he never kept his location on. I trust where he is though, for the most part. I just don't trust who he's with/ what he's doing.