I’m torn... what should I do?

Hello!

So I met this guy last year in March. We started dating last year in aug. A few months before he meet me he was engaged but she called it off. He was heart broken about it etc. I always told him I felt he should’ve taken more time to heal before we got started but he always tells me he was over that relationship etc.

From the beginning I was always half and half when it came to him. One min I felt it was right & the next I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be with him. I lost my virginity to him last year in August. We are here a year later still together ,but again I feel these half & half feelings again. I’ve met his family & they all love me and I love them as well but I just don’t know.

He’s a great guy and all but I feel like I’m still young & have more to explore in life. I’m 21 and he’s 6 years older than me. We’ve talked about marriage and I’ve expressed that I don’t want him to propose yet. I told him I do want to get married but not now. His mom always talks about the dress I want etc. I’ve tried to break things off with him in the past but he’s always throw out how much he loves me & why does this always happen to him? He makes it seem like life would be over if I left him. Tbh it makes me feel guilty so I end up staying.

Truthful I just want my freedom back. I want to be living off on my own finding who I am. He’s not a bad guy but I just feel like I have so much more to do than think about marriage etc. he says he’s not pressuring to marry him but idk. I just feel torn because I want to leave and be free but I feel obligated to stay... you know?