Shy, nervous, and spike of anxiety

I met my now husband when I was 11 at 12 we started dating I've been with him since. We're married now (20&21), two kids, pregnant with our third, but I still can't feel sexy or do sexy things for him. Two weeks ago I had this dream that I woke him up by sucking his dick and in this dream we had GREAT sex, I made the mistake of telling him. So since then he's made it very clear that if I ever wanted to be spontaneous like that, that it was more than okay with him. Okay I don't have great sex, I dry out fast, and sometimes, because I feel disgusted about myself, I can't mentally get into it even though I love to please my husband. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Even when my husband praises my body and makes me feel good, I myself, feel disgusted about my body. I do not like him going down on me and for some reason when I think about going down on him I panic like I have stage fright. I want to enjoy sex more times than not. I want to be spontaneous like my dreams, I want to please my husband in more ways than one. I just can't get past the feeling of being shy or a spike in anxiety.

Anything, opinion/advice, is welcomed.

Please don't comment on our age, our children, we are happy and thriving. The time we've been together is only to be informative about how long I've been with him.