Vent- Husband doing his own thing

I just found out this morning that the other day when my husband was watching our 4.5 month old he let him cry it out which took 10 minutes and he feel asleep. I’ve told him over and over that we wouldn’t be doing cry it out maybe ever, but at least not until 6 months. One of the main reasons being that we never have to. We did very gentle sleep training and our son puts him self to sleep every time. We intervene after 30 seconds of crying, and every 30 seconds we increase our much we’re intervening to give him a chance to self soothe. It’s worked magically and he’s been putting himself to sleep since 11 weeks.

He is teething, and was having a very bad teething day. It was rough but I had a work appt I couldn’t miss, even though most days I work 100% from home.

I spoke to my husband this morning because I was uncomfortable with how things went that day and just wanted to talk it out together. Earlier in the day when he was crying, my husband wouldn’t let me intervene when he was holding him. I would give him some time to soothe him, maybe 2 minutes, and then I would come take him to calm him down. My husband kept snapping at me, not letting me take him, and saying he’s fine, when he was hysterically crying. He would stop with me because I just know what he likes better. I ended up agreeing to let daddy have his time with him and taking a shower and getting ready for my appt, even though I was frustrated because I knew I could fix it. Not 20 mins after I left the house, I got a text saying he was crying and I needed to come home. Then another and another. I couldn’t leave. He knew that. It upset me so much that he wouldn’t let me help when I was home but threw it in my face that my son needed me when I couldn’t be there.

When I addressed that with him this morning is how I found out he just put him in his crib u til he fell asleep. No shame at all for moms that do this, but it’s not what I’ve wanted and we’ve talked about it a ton. I’m just so upset she needed to vent, obviously. I also don’t trust him anymore. Cry it out now, but what next?