Vvvfl?

If I’m not pregnant this month I’m going to be so heartbroken.... I prayed this month that God would give me my rainbow baby. we’ve been trying for a while but this month we used pre seed and tried more... I didn’t track my ovulation though. My period is almost 3 days late and I have felt off... I could have sworn I was pregnant. This morning I woke up and took then and wiped and there was really light pink blood (very little) and I’ve had cramps.... if AF shows I’m about to cry my eyes out. I just want my rainbow baby. We had a chemical back in May. 😭 I JUST WANT MY RAINBOW BABY..... 😭💔 I keep seeing pregnancy announcements on Facebook & some of the ppl are on drugs or very very very young (not saying being young makes you a bad parent) and I’m not judging but we’ve been married and trying for a while. DO NOT tell me “it’s not your time” “it will happen in God’s time” because HOW can it be Gods time for a person to have a baby and not take care of him/her or have him/her and they be addicted to drugs. Or someone have a baby and abuse him/her Or someone who gets to pregnant but doesn’t want him/her. I DONT UNDERSTAND.......