I need help.
So I don't want this to be a long story, but I want a baby so so so so bad. My boyfriend does too. The thing is having a baby before getting married was never what I wanted for myself and my life. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years now.
The thing is, it was always a money situations to not be able to get married, one time I even suggested we go to court to get legally married and have a wedding later, I never wanted that but I thought of it cause I just wanted to commit to my boyfriend and we could start our family
....the reason was now that our families wouldn't like that and that is sad.
He works now, atleast two incomes, he haf a savings account that was for my "negotiations" to get married... the time I thought I would cane and went. The savings has other plans now.
I sat down one day and thought girl... maybe you're just jot the one this guy wants to marry..
I prayed almost everyday to be ok if I dont get my marriage and babies dream. I started to slowly let go of that dream and even woth everything going on i this world I started to wonder if I am ready to have a baby.
My stroy is my parents past away when I was 7, raised by my Grandma, she passed away 2014. I'm suffereing from depression, don't really have a steady job and I dont feel supported enough to have a baby yet, i felt I should maybe wait. I feel like I will never forgive myself if i could take care of my child in anyway.
Deep down I still say to myself. who am i kidding. I WANT A BABY. some days I would want to give in and just have the baby... but I always said I wouldn't forgive myself if I fell pregnant before I get married either, and thats the one things I would like to get right in my life.
Am I thinking too much, am I toruring myself what should I do. I don't want to seem desperate to be married.