What should I do...

Question

My fiance and I have a baby together and he's only 3 months old. We do love each other but we have some differences we've been trying to work through. Despite our differences though we've been trying to make it work for the little guy because i personally want him to have his father.
Now i know a lot of people out there love weed and i know it's legal and truthfully I know there are a lot worse things to smoke... But personally, I dont want it in my life. I have my reasons but I have told my fiance several times where I stand but he constantly has gone behind my back and lied about it...
Not only that but his best friend has been a toxic shadow in our relationship. His friend is 29 and is jealous of where my fiance is in life and constantly tries to make him leave so that they can hang out more and party again.
Well my fiance and I finally talked through everything and we actually almost broke up. But HE told me that he would quit smoking, stop hanging out with his friend, and that he would try to be a better more productive person.
....Less than 24 hrs later he goes and smokes with his friend again...
Should I give it more time before I can really judge the situation or do you think that is a bad sign that he already couldn't control himself?

Answer

I’m assuming he smoked pot before y’all had even gotten together. In that case, you should have never even gotten with someone you knew smoked pot while you knew you weren’t going to be okay with it. Either accept someone as they are, assuming he was like that before you stepped into the picture, or you just leave them alone.

Answer

i think you can't make someone grow up that doesn't want to grow up if he's still wanting to always go out to party and hangout with his friend. also, it's disrespectful thar he promised to stop but did it anyways. obviously, you can't tell your significant other what to do. you can only communicate how you feel but if he wasn't willing to give up those things, he should've just said that. if those are deal breakers for you then i think you know your answer ..

Answer

Maybe your fiancé is going out with this reins to smoke since he feels like he can’t smoke around home (not in the house) or even be home after he smokes. In all reality I feel like your the one pushing him away. If my fiancé told me I couldn’t smoke or he would leave me I’d more than likely be with my friends so I can smoke.

Answer

I think your gut is telling you the answer already. He can’t walk away from his friend.  Whether it’s guilt or bro code or whatever else, he chooses him over you. He does what you ask him not to do. He gets to win and keep you. He knows you will tolerate it because you don’t want to be alone. He knows he can get away with it because you won’t leave. He’s learned that he can get away with murder and can push the envelope before you break. Taking him back taught him that the behavior is acceptable and that you will tolerate it which is why he keeps doing it. The friend and the behavior is the priority not you and the baby. If you want to be his back up plan, then by all means stay and keep tolerating it. Personally if I had something that was Important to me that was not being respected, I would not stand for it and would walk away. Many couples coparent and have either shared custody or child support and other arrangements. This will be a constant repeated fight. He doesn’t respect you or your wishes. I would stop tolerating the bs.

Answer

Trying to control what your partner does rarely ever works. He has to want these things for himself, not because you want him to change. So, you either accept your partner as he is, or if he’s unacceptable to you, you move on without him.￼

Answer

I think you should stay with him if this is his only problem and wait for him to grow up. My husband would go out with his friends often and drink, but when things got serious between us he started going less until he stopped. But there were never drugs involved.... or a child.

What should I do...

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