Im so lost
My fiance died two days ago. Two days before thanksgiving. We had been together since 15 and he was only 21. We had our whole lived together ahead of us. He was my whole world, my childhood, my best friend. He loved me like no one else could. We were supposed to grow old together. I feel so robbed of time we could have had together. We have a daughter and i just found out last week that Im expecting again. I feel so blessed to have a part of him growing inside me and in our daughter, but i have no idea how Im going to get through this pregnancy and deliver a baby without him by my side . We spoke about our dreams for the future, about our kids growing up, having grandchildren, career paths, future vacations, and just life. It’s the little things that get me. Like how I’ll never feel his arms around me again, I’ll never sleep by his side again, never feel him kiss my forehead or my growing belly again, never see him smile or hear that laugh. I miss kissing his neck and smelling it, it sounds weird but the smell of his neck and chest was my favorite. I’ll never make love to him again, no more late night runs to get food, no more watching TV or movies together. We were supposed to get married . Now i’ll never get to walk down the aisle to him. Im so lost and hurt. He was honestly my best friend, there was no one else I spoke to or confided in beside him. Im so alone. I know his family is here for me and so is mine, but despite them telling me they’re here for whatever i need they can’t give me the one thing i need which is him. It doesn’t feel real, i feel like im waiting for him to come back home, to call me, or send me a text. I feel so empty. Im not sure how to go on. I know I wont ever stop loving him or missing him but does it ever get easier? This is the worst pain I have ever felt and i dont wish it upon anyone.