Heavy postpartum

To start off, I've been struggling with depression and anxiety my whole life, even through my pregnancy I experienced some episodes.

Almost 4 weeks ago, I gave birth to my first baby, and my whole family was so excited to meet her. They've been so supportive and adore her so much. And I love that they love her so much. But they always want to hold her when they get the chance, and it makes me sad to hand her off. They ask almost constantly for her and I feel bad because I don't want to give her to them most times. Is it wrong for me to be selfish? I had what felt like a traumatic labor and am going through postpartum. Personally I feel that I have a right to want her, since I carried her for 9 long months and I was the one that went through the hard labor. But I don't know if that's just the postpartum thinking.

Now yesterday, I got into an argument with my husband and had a major anxiety attack/ depression wave that I'm still riding. And it made me realize that my baby doesn't need me. She doesn't need me at all because she has other people that can take care of her and she would be better off without me. So now I just don't want to hold her anymore or be near her, and am starting to have suicidal thoughts again... Honestly I don't know what's worse, being too clingy or not wanting her.

199 views • 0 upvotes • 6 comments

COMMENT (6)

Je

Posted at
I went through the same thing and hated when other people held my daughter; even my mom. I convinced myself she’d be better off with out me. Please know that’s your anxiety and depression talking. I had all the symptoms you’re having and was diagnosed with postpartum depression, anxiety and psychosis. Therapy, stopping breastfeeding and getting sleeping cured me. I know medication helps a lot of people too. You got this! 💪🏾 It will get easier, your baby needs you.

Je

Jess • Dec 2, 2019
I stopped at 4.5 months. If I could go back I would of stopped sooner.

Al

Alyza • Dec 1, 2019
How old was your baby when you stopped breastfeeding?

Li

Posted at
It’s perfectly ok to want to have your baby 24/7 to yourself. She’s your baby. Let your family know that you’re going to start limiting the holding. That’s what I did. But with the depression and suicidal thought please ask for help, your baby does need you!

Li

Linda • Dec 1, 2019
That’s your anxiety about it talking. It’s not wrong. And you feeling it’s wrong is the anxiety of it all.

Al

Alyza • Dec 1, 2019
Why does it seem so wrong to want her all the time then.