Christmas Drama

I absolutely despise my creep of a BIL. He is a poor excuse of a human being and this past year he has put all members of my husbands family through hell. He’s always got away with how he treats them because ‘He’s family’ and he’s never been put in his place or told to grow up. He’s 45!!!

After recent threats were made by him we had to put security cameras up at our house. I told my husband he is not welcome in our home and certainly not for Christmas.

Now it seems my in-laws and the BIL have come to a mutual understanding and agreement on how things will be moving forward and he is trying to improve. My husband and I weren’t involved or told about the details, but now I’m thinking his mother will be asking if he can attend Christmas lunch at our house.

I don’t want him in my house. I don’t want him around my family. My parents and siblings will be here and I don’t want them to have to sit through Christmas lunch with him at the table crapping on like he always does as if nothing has happened. My husband understands my decision, but I am sure he would have his brother here if I changed my mind.

Please tell me I’m not being unreasonable. I just don’t know what to tell my MIL if she asks if he can come. She’s been through so much this year that I don’t know if I’m going to be able to say no to her, but I know if he’s here I won’t be able to relax.

*Edit*

He’s the classic middle child who feels entitled. He’s had the same opportunity growing up as both of his brothers who have turned out successful. His parents have always enabled his bad behaviour by bailing him out of trouble. He doesn’t have a mental Illness. He feels the world owes him for no apparent reason and gives no thought to how his behaviour effects others. He’s constantly asking to borrow money from my MIL and his two brothers with no mention of appreciation or pay back. He can’t keep a job because he gets into fights with management or work colleagues. His mother bought him a car because he needed to get around to hunt for a job. He sold the car, moved out of state and didn’t tell anyone he’d moved for 3 weeks and we only found out because guess why??? He needed money. Funny thing is he gets a lot of tattoos, but can’t seem to feed himself. The latest is he was arrested for assaulting a police officer who pulled him over for low range drinking. He’s currently on a 3 year good behaviour bond. We didn’t find this out until 5 months later because he needed money to get to his court appearance.

Just recently he called my MIL who was in hospital at the time, from an airport demanding her credit card to fly out of the state he was in because his ‘employer wasn’t paying him’. She didn’t have her credit card on her so she told him to his brother. She became very distressed and he got angry at her. The other brother questioned why he had to leave so quickly, but all he got was threatened if he didn’t hand over the credit card details he would kill him. He was tested for drugs during his last arrest and it came back negative. It sounds like drugs, but it’s not. He doesn’t have a mental illness, if anything, he’s a narcissist.

I am very sceptical of him wanting to change because this is the 5th time they’ve had to sit him down and try to get through to him. They think they’re helping him, but he doesn’t see anything wrong with his behaviour because it’s everyone else who is doing him wrong.