in-law vent

Does anyone else feel like their in-laws don’t recognize you and your partner and baby as their own little family? Like mine haven’t shifted gears into thinking how we are now our own little unit. For thanksgiving, my husband and I stated in October that we’d be having dinner at our house bc it was important for our baby’s first thanksgiving to be in our home. They repeatedly tried to insist on changing the location to my SIL and her bf’s house, and then to their house. Like, multiple texts and phone calls stating they wanted to do it. We repeatedly told them they could eat wherever they wanted, but we’d be at our house. We had invited them all from day 1 so that wasn’t an issue. They finally all accepted it about a week before thanksgiving and came to our house. Now, my husband works in retail and has been nonstop all week. As we were leaving their house Friday, they threw out “hey we’re putting up our Christmas tree on Sunday so see you then.” They didn’t ask what our plans were or when would be a good time for us. Now that the day is here, I don’t want to go. Partially bc I hate how they’re just trying to remain in control, partially bc I want the first tree that my daughter sees put up is our own tree, and partially bc my husband has been working nonstop, he will have worked 9 hours this morning, and I don’t want to drag us all to their house 30 min away in the rain, to have to rush home to start baby girl’s bedtime routine at 7:30 (husband works till 3:00). Am I wrong not wanting to go?? Is it rude? They didn’t ask us. They just told us. Do your in-laws do anything similar?