My son, my mixed emotions* trigger warning, infant loss*

March of 2019 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy giving our daughter a brother to love. April we lost him to SIDS... today after our appointment where I got to see our rainbow baby, I called my friend to talk about how happy I was to see baby moving so much. She knows baby's gender since she's gunna throw us a gender reveal/ baby shower, and she slipped up by saying "he is so big! Wait I mean" 😂 I'm so happy to be carrying another son but I'm also terrified. So many mixed feelings welling up inside. Crying tears of fear and joy, something I've never experienced before. I am happy to know who baby is now, just so scared of losing my baby again. Then again it might be therapeutic to see one of my sons meet milestones my other didn't get to.. agh just had to rant a bit about my mixed emotions. Also here's my son, Liet Elm 💙

Also the very lucky older siblings Ona and Ebian