i posted about this in the “college” group and got some really nice responses but i thought i’d post here too. okay so i’m an 18 year old girl. i’m like a mega virgin. never been kissed and never “talked” to a guy before.

I was hanging w my friend and she likes to get w boys. She’s always been boy crazy and desperate for a bf but now she’s finally doing stuff w guys and I’m happy for her bc she’s my friend. She encouraged me to start getting w guys too bc of how fun it is, but here’s the thing: I have no desire to start talking to boys. I never have.

I’ve never had a crush in my life. I’ve never wanted a relationship. I don’t see couples and become jealous of them. I don’t look at couples and think “omg i want that!” I don’t fantasize about my wedding day like so many of my friends talk about. I’ve had boys slide in my dms before but I always shut it down bc 1. they only want sex and I’m not interested in that. 2. It makes me uncomfortable. I don’t feel flattered, just weird. The responses I got in the college group told me to look into aromantic and asexuality. and i have been. i even took a little quiz 😂.

I fit the description almost perfectly but it’s scary to just label myself like that. My dilemma is that I can’t really call myself aro bc I have NO experience. I don’t know if I have no capability of romance bc I have no experience in it at all. What if I like it? The other problem though is that I don’t want it. I’m not interested in having a boyfriend. I literally cannot even fathom myself in a relationship bc the whole concept is weird to me. So it’s like how do I gain experience to know how I feel for sure when I have no desire to gain experience?? (also i don’t think i’m asexual bc i get horny a lot and sometimes masturbate but i just don’t wanna have sex especially if i barely know the person. srry if that’s tmi😂)

Also I’m not disgusted by romance. I love reading those love story books and cried watching Call Me By Your Name bc it was so cute to me. So i’m not opposed to “love” or whatever. I just don’t want it for myself. It makes me feel crazy bc it seems like EVERYONE my age and in college is dating and sleeping around. That’s like the only thing ppl talk about.

Whenever I think about it I just break down and cry bc I feel so broken and so different. I feel like a weirdo. Like do I not want a relationship bc I’m shy? (bc i am) Do I not want one bc I’m insecure? (i’m not THAT insecure) Why is everyone so desperate for a relationship and horny to get w someone but i’m not?? Why am I so different? I refuse to get a Tinder bc I don’t understand how you can meet someone online and conclude you want a relationship. I don’t get how ppl go on first dates and already want to kiss and be romantic. you barely know the person!! I enjoy being alone. I can’t even hang with my friends for a long time bc I love being by myself.

I just feel crazy. I feel like a weirdo or something. And it’s also scary bc ppl don’t understand these kind of thoughts. I assume they’ll say that I’m “scared” or “haven’t found the right one.” yeah bc i’m not looking. idk I can’t explain everything I feel, but does anyone feel the same? pls just help me feel better abt this so I don’t have to cry about it everyday.