How can I tolerate a man I love doing this to me. Where have I gone wrong *trigger warning*

2 years ago I was raped by my fiance. We were drinking at home and I passed out. He recorded the whole thing but the videos are now gone. We have since then had a baby girl whom is now 9 months old. Ever since she was born, I have been traumatized by what he did to me. He does not take it seriously and says I am over reacting.

I'm so grateful I didn't leave then because I wouldn't have my girl, but DAMMIT what is wrong with me. How can I let this happen to me. How can I be so weak to stay with someone who did this and believe he loves me. I would kill anyone who did this to our daughter, so where do the standards in myself start.

If he wont even take it seriously or recognize the harm he has caused, how can I move forward. I know I should leave him, but he makes me feel like I am being so dramatic about this whole thing....

I'm slowly shutting down as a person I think. No one understands what I am going through