Selfish kiddos?

Question

I am wondering if anyone has ever dealt with kids that tend to be on the selfish side... I know that kids have a difficult time seeing anything outside of the world they live in, but sometimes I feel it’s a little much with my daughter who is 6.5. Let me start by saying she is very sweet, sensitive, and empathic. However, what makes me cringe is how presents and gifts and people giving, giving, giving to her are the center of everything... it ranges from birthdays to christmas to even her dad will just come home from work and she’ll say “what did you get me? Do you have a surprise for me?” And it’s like... no... life is not about constantly getting gifts and surprises; and we haven’t even raised her to be like this! We haven’t ever just showered her with gifts and surprises. When it comes to birthdays and Christmas and holidays where you do give we have tried to emphasize what is more important is the time people are able to give to us on those days and the importance of just being with the ones we love and celebrating. We have her donate her toys before every birthday and Christmas to make room for any new toys she may get and so she can understand that she is helping other little boys and girls. We have also had her do some volunteer work with us at the homeless shelters and also have had her do a secret Santa where we buy gifts for a family in need that couldn’t afford Christmas. For Christmas we do the something to wear, read, want/need and that’s it so that she doesn’t have high expectations, but she is ALWAYS disappointed. We do our best to emphasize that we are so fortunate, but it doesn’t mean we get to just buy whatever we want whenever we want and that we should focus more on helping people who aren’t. And I don’t want to paint an ugly picture of my daughter but seriously it’s so bad that there are tantrums that you would think would only come from a three year old. I’m to the point where I’m ready to leave our tree empty because she has made it clear that she only cares about the presents and couldn’t care less about just being with her family. I am just wondering if anyone else has had any experience. Do they grow out of it? Is there anything you have found that deters this type of behavior/attitude? Thanks for the constructive feedback and advice!

Answer

Maybe the “surprise” of everything is causing her some sort of anxiety? And the opening/disappointment/meltdown cycle is just a way for her to figure out her feelings. Could you have her write thank you notes before opening the gifts (filling in a personal message after she knows the gift)? That could help her process everything happening and push some gratitude feelings.

Answer

You seem to be doing an amazing job with her, despite her behavior! The things you are doing are exactly what I would have reccommended had I not known you already tried them. It is possible its just a phase and so long as you are consistent with your message she will likely grow out of it. Another thing to do is make sure she always sends a personalized thank you to each person who gives her a gift or does something nice for her, no matter the occasion. Have her think about why she is thankful for the gift or experience and write it down as best as she can. Good luck and keep up the good work!

Answer

Is it possible she’s just hearing kids talk about it at school and now she wants all of the same things, and is developing an expectation based on other kids stories? It sounds like you’re doing all of the right things and I wouldn’t worry too much. Maybe you could try having her do chores for an allowance and she can save up to purchase the gifts and things that she wants? Maybe she would begin to see and understand the hard work that goes into being able to buy things

Answer

I’m not sure how she would be like this unless she was given in to everything she wants all the time. And it wouldn’t have to be just gifts. It could be anything. It’s just time to stop giving her whatever she wants. If she throws a fit oh well. Better to start learning now than later. Once and if you can break the habit she shouldn’t act that way anymore.

Answer

While it is natural for kids to do this, I think 6.5 might be getting on up their in age. I think a big kid talk is in order. Santa and family might need to learn to cut back bc you are noticing this trend. 
And I once took a video of a child doing this, asking, throwing temper tantrum... on the floor pounding their hands and feet, screaming in the kitchen over wanting a gift. I never said anything, just took the video on my phone. Then when they calmed down and there was peace, we talked and I showed them the video. They were shocked to see themselves like that. Then I explained it’s totally fine to cry when you get a boo boo, or when your feelings are hurt, etc... but that our family doesn’t cry over wanting a present, our family gives to those in need instead. 
Or you could make her become Santa. Where she is the gift giver and not the receiver. Try to find things that people need. Surprise an old lady with slippers, an old man with a new sweater, your brother might need a new watch, etc. get her involved in the giving. 
And for holidays you could do the gifts of 3 or 4. The 3 wise men gifts or the 4 gifts - something you want, something you need, something to wear., something to read. Ask family to not give any toys and to give experiences or college money instead.

Answer

I think it’s natural to have those feelings. It’s hard to completely control it especially as a child. Also, there is tons of comparison and talk about who has what new toys at school. Keep talking about the importance of giving and how we need to be respectful and grateful. I don’t think you child is selfish. She’s a kid who needs to be guided down the path. I wouldn’t be too worried.

Answer

My advice would be to let her be dissapointed. Or start giving expériences rather than materialistic things. Maybe help her sort out some of her toys, clothes and books to give to the less fortunate? Teach her to give to others by doing that yourself and setting the example.

Answer

Yea I'd honestly do no christmas at all. My little sister was like that but me and my big sister never were. Got so bad for my little sister my mom stripped her room to really plan bed set, just 2 pairs of shoes, 7 outfits and no toys at all. My sister was upset at first then quickly got out of that phase.

Selfish kiddos?

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