Ruined my mother’s life .

I know this probably isn’t the place to be writing this but I just have nobody to talk to. I just feel so bad.

I’m 19, almost 20, my mom got married to her husband 5 years ago, and he molested me from ages 14-17. I never told her or anyone because she loved him and she got married really late in life and I just didn’t want to ruin things for her.

Well her and I were talking the other day and i finally just told her the things he did to me and has said to me. I planned on never telling her ever. But it came out. And she is so confused and just upset .

She has no friends, all her friends are from her and her husbands friend group, which they were his friends first, she also doesn’t have any money to move out of their house . So she plans on waiting until she has enough money to divorce him, which will be a while .

She says she is going to divorce him and eventually move out, because she just can’t believe he did that to me, her only child. I just feel like I completely ruined my moms life. She was happy with him, and I know she’s going to be really lonely and depressed . Especially because she won’t have any friends when they divorce . My mom is all I have , literally, and it just hurts me to see her so upset .

I put my own happiness aside for so many years just so I could let her be happy. Such as living in a house where this grown man made me feel uncomfortable just walking around. Him molesting me started my really bad depression when I was 14 and it’s been bad ever since . I’m the type of person who tells myself to get over it, you can cry at night in bed, but other than that, dont speak of it.

Which is why I did a good job at hiding this secret from her. I know it’s not healthy but 🤷🏽‍♀️. I just don’t know what to do, or how I can help my mom.