So anxious

Well back story. This is my 3rd “first trimester” in the last 1.5 years. My first miscarriage was a chemical and ended around 5.5 weeks. My second miscarriage, I went into the doctor and had an ultrasound around 6w. There was no yolk sac, fetal pole or heartbeat. pregnancy continued, symptoms got worse and I went in for a follow up. There was no baby. The gestational sac had kept growing but there was nothing in there. I had to force a miscarriage by using the vaginal pills at 9w.

I am now 8w+3 and have a follow up ultrasound again. I had an ultrasound early at 5w+5 because I had very light spotting. There was a yolk sac this time! But I’m still so nervous that there won’t be a heart beat or that I have had another missed miscarriage.

This is all for baby #2. Our first was a great surprise but we didn’t have any of these difficulties. It’s hard to not get down on yourself when miscarriages keep happening (mainly because I know I can successfully carry a baby!) but it’s getting hard and I can’t even be excited.