I don’t know if I like my family.

Recently I’ve come to realize that my family is the cause of my depression and a lot of my insecurities.

Pretty much everyone in my household (except for my older sister) suffers from anger issues. They are all very emotionally driven people who refuse to learn how to handle their emotions in a healthy way. No one talks to each other, because everything ends up in an argument.

I’ve always been the mediator of the bunch because I hate conflict. And I think I hate conflict because I’ve seen how destructive it can be. Conflict never gets resolved correctly in my family.

My sisters are definitely less afraid to take risks and make mistakes, but my mom has

always been super strict, and the repercussions my sisters faced due to my her lack of empathy (and healthy problem solving skills) were traumatizing to witness. That’s why I’m so afraid of making mistakes and disappointing people, and why I’m prone to beating myself up when things go awry.

Since I am the mediator of the family, I’m the one that has to listen to everyone’s problems because I don’t overreact. I try to use logic and help people work through the things that are bothering them. I care about people and when I care for people I do what I can to show it and be patient and understanding. But no one in my family truly does the same for me (with the exception of my sister. My dad tries but when he doesn’t know how to fix a problem he gets angry) and in fact, when I was trying to express some things on my mind that were troubling me the other day, I was told that my problems are “annoying and don’t exist.”

Anyways I could go on for days about all this, but basically in a nutshell I’m trying to move out this year because I got a good job and stuff, but it’s like. I love my family and will always care about them, but being around them, especially too much. Makes me unhappy.