It hurts.. sorry it's long

Backstory: I grew up in a family like the smiths.. my parents owned a company that took off in the mid 1990s.. we were upper middle class.. I am a twin and I have a younger brother.. my mom had BPD diagnosed in 1995.. which answered a lot of her hurtful nature.. she was never cuddly or motherly.. she said hurtful things that was borderline abusive but she always had our backs.. life was great outside looking in.. the Smith's next door right?

Mid 2000- my mom has a brain aneurysm and is in Neuro ICU for 3 months.. I and my sister was 16 and my brother was 13.. me being the oldest (by 2 minutes) I was in charge those 3 months to get my siblings to school, fed, homework and projects done, play rehearsal and sport practice.. my dad wanted life seemingly as normal as possible especially for my 13 year old brother... my mom makes it but her BPD is worse.. way worse

2010- my parents split.. they are mature separating belongings but when it came to us (adult kids) they tried pinning each other against one another... my dad waited until the day after my brother turned 18 to leave.. they split the company... he apparently couldn't take her BPD anymore.. and it came out he was cheating and buying hookers for the past 30 years... my mom becomes irate at the mention of my dad, blasting us for everything he ever did, telling me God made me Obese so my dad wouldn't want to fuck me... sick shit right?

2011- I get married, abuse continues from mom. I'm a stranger from my fathers family..

2014- dad gets remarried to someone he met online in Brazil, knows her 3 months, flies to meet her and gets engaged, 6 months later they are married, she doesnt speak any English nor him Portuguese.

2015- I lose my first child and my mom blames me on social media when I would have rather died to save his life..(born premature)

2016- my son is born

2017- my mom is diagnosed with stage 5 Alzheimer's disease.. forgetting people, confused by places, calling me at 3am saying shes lost..

2019- my mom doesnt know who I am or my son.. we are complete strangers and it hurts... my brother is estranged from all of my family except me, my sister lives on OKC and is estranged from my mother and father (because his wife and her had a huge argument when my son turned 1) except for me.. my dad is estranged from his kids except me..

I am the common thread to all of them.. and it hurts... it's so heavy.. except for my mom they all talk shit about each other... they all pull me in opposite directions.. my extended family is the only family I have and they are as close as extended family can be..

My husband has been working up hour weeks and I'm left alone most days and nights with my kiddo, the only light to my existence... I have no friends.. nice neighbors but no one to say "damn jess how are you?".. I started fostering dogs through a rescue to be apart of something bigger than me, and as much as I adore helping i need to stop fostering for a while..

I dont only feel lonely but i feel absolutely alone in this world... my mom is in hospice care.. dad is with his wife who prefers little to no contact (and he obeys even though he works literally 4 minutes from my house).. my brother is busy with his social life and my sisters life is nothing but drama..

I just needed to write this out.. I dont know what's happened to me... I suppressed this sadness forever but it came up and out Monday and I cant shake the never ending doom and gloom... it hurts.. I'm hurt.. but no one sees yue pain of someone invisible..