Christmas

Its Christmas eve and working the day is what's keeping my emotions in check. I'm in a long term relationship and both my parents are alive. I come from a divorced family and my dad has a new family and has for years and my mom is somewhere in the states pretending things are great. I love my half sister's family, my boyfriend's family, and my dad's family but no matter what I feel out of place and not at home. I haven't felt belonging for as far as I can remember every holiday. I dont know why but I need to get it off my chest even if it is anonymous. Every family I have to visit each year I'm happy to see dont get me wrong but I feel like I'm an obligated participant rather than cherished. It may just be me that makes everything feel so broken from habit. I just feel alone.