done. done. done.

so here i am going through my third chemical pregnancy, fourth miscarriage. 16 weeks, 10 weeks, 8 weeks, 5 weeks and this one... 4 weeks and 2 days. i am in so much pain, emotionally and physically, and my husband is sitting maybe 5 meters away from me playing video games. i have NEVER been with such a selfish, heartless person. he always said he wanted a family with me and now he just doesnt care. i feel sick. i wanted this so much and yet again my baby has been torn from me. im literally seconds away from just saying fuck having children. it never happens. they just wont stick. why does this always happen to me?