Having a hard recovery

One week postpartum and I know I have a long road ahead of me. When I had my baby girl the birth itself went great, until she decided she wanted to bring her arm out pretty much the same time as her head. I didn’t tear in the normal place, I had two blood vessels that broke and so I bled a lot. 900ccs I guess is what I was told. It was horribly painful having my midwife try to find and fix those bleeders. She wanted to try everything before sending me to a hospital (she had someone call 911 anyway just in case) I hemorrhaged. She had poured literal cayenne all over my vagina to stop the bleeding and it worked. She also gave me pitocin I believe so it all combined it worked. Looking closer she realized that it was my small labia I think it’s called that kinda ripped. Which she fixed. Through all of this I was very awake. Now through the recovery I just hurt and burn all the time. I can’t stay standing up for long. Makes it hard to take care of my 3 year old as well but I’ve got a lot of help. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m just having a hard time knowing it’s going to be a long time before I feel even remotely normal again and emotionally okay. Every time I have really bad pain down there it feels like when my midwife was fixing me up all over again.... sorry this post was so long. Definitely didn’t intend that, I just really needed to vent this.