How do I enjoy oral sex again?

So a couple years ago my husband ate me out and right after that we had sex. After we finished having sex I realized I had started my period because they had some on his penis. When he seen it he went to the bathroom and started spitting in the sink and rinsing his mouth out obviously disgusted. I guess he thought some could’ve gotten in his mouth but I’m sure he would’ve noticed before we had sex if it did. My periods were super irregular at the time and I felt super embarrassed about the whole thing and like I was gross. After that he wouldn’t go down on me anymore unless I begged him to. This lasted a couple years.

Note there have been other comments before on how with 69 he doesn’t like the smell and one time I had some toilet paper there and I didn’t know it and it got in his mouth. I’m even embarrassed typing that...

I’ve talked to him about it and he said he’s not going to apologize for not wanting blood in his mouth or not liking the smell of ass but he didn’t mean to hurt me or anything which I understand.

Now he’s finally getting better at doing it without me having to beg for it and I ALWAYS make sure I shower first now to make sure everything is clean and ready to go but I honestly can’t enjoy it anymore because all I’m thinking about the whole time is what he’s thinking about me. Like is he grossed out doing it and is just trying to get it over with ya know. It would 100X better if I knew that he was enjoying making me get off. He says he does enjoy it but then barely ever initiates it. He’ll do it if I ask but that’s it. Any tips on how to finally get over being embarrassed and feeling gross so I can actually enjoy oral sex again?