I need advice on something that has been bothering me for a long time. We’ve been together since 2007, married since 2016 and are expecting our 4th child together. He’s my best friend and I love him but lately he’s been getting on my nerves about one specific topic: discipline.

Our oldest is 4 and is by far the one that needs discipline the most. She’s energetic and loud and stubborn and makes me want to rip my hair out most days lol but I’ve found that what is best for her is not time out or revoking a privilege or really punishing her but talking. She acts up then will feel guilty and will not stop apologizing and what I do is sit down with her and talk and ask things like : what happened? what made you do this? how can you change so it doesn’t happen next time, etc and I feel like it helps her self reflect and find a solution to prevent it from happening again. My husband likes to just yell at her and shove her in a corner for 15 minutes and then sending her to play in her room. What that does is obviously makes her upset even more and also doesn’t help her understand what she did wrong and she has told me that she hates her father and is scared of him.

I’ve obviously tried to talk with him about it and what he says is she asks to be punished and it’s what his parents did to him and his siblings and they never had issues. I’m trying to explain to him that what worked 20 years ago might not work now and also that all kids are different and understand things differently but he doesn’t seem to get it and it frustrates me like you have no idea. I want my daughter to learn from her mistakes yes but also I don’t want her to fear her father because we disagree on how to discipline her. Any advice?